


A day without you is normal. (But forever? That's death.)

by Txeknee



Series: BTS Oneshots/Short Stories [5]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Death, Fire, Fluff, Ghosts?, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Just angst really, M/M, Mentioned Jeon Jungkook, Mentioned Min Yoongi | Suga, Real Life, Sad Kim Namjoon | RM, Sorry Not Sorry, Sweet Kim Namjoon | RM, actually no, i dont know how to tag still, idek, if you could even call it that, life after death, namseok - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:05:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17941973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Txeknee/pseuds/Txeknee
Summary: 'He looks as beautiful as the day I lost him.'ORNamjoon pleads every night to the stars for Hoseok to come back. One night, just so he can say goodbye.© 2019 TxekneeAll rights reserved.I DO NOT ALLOW TRANSLATIONS.DO NOT REPOST.





	A day without you is normal. (But forever? That's death.)

**Author's Note:**

> This is like, 90% inspired by one of @kayedaily's fantasy au drawings  
> (https://twitter.com/kayedaily_/status/981798261328498689?s=19) ((Sorry! I don't know how to link properly!!))
> 
> and 10% inspired by a quote from NixHydra's 'The Arcana' (mobile dating game).
> 
> I hope you like it! Kudos are appreciated and comments are welcome! Thank you for reading. <3

He gets up, gets dressed, gets on the bus to head to the studio for the day, works nonstop until his head spins and he's dizzy and can't think clearly, and then heads back to the bus stop by the time evening bleeds into morning and goes home.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

Namjoon finds these monotonous days are blurring together. Even more so than they used to, but can't find the will in him to do anything about it. He's not entirely sure from when, but one day had started, and it had never really ended since. So while the clock ticked by overhead, he was forced to think about it. 

 

In a few days, it'll mark five years. Five years being with the most wonderful man. The man who put the sun itself to shame. The man who confessed to him at the carnival that year with so much confidence, it had scared him. The man who changed him for the better. Bought him the biggest bear he could find, lugging it back to him with the biggest smile, ignoring the stares, ignoring the disapproving whispers when he yelled across the fairground. 

 _('Lookie what I found for you, Joonie! You can hug it when I'm not there to hug you for real! Look at its little pink bow! Cute, right?')_  

It'll be five years. Or rather, it _would_ have been five years had it not been for- No.

 

Tick, tick, tick... 

 

In a few days, it'll also mark one. One entire year. 365 days ~~and counting~~  without him.

 

..without Hoseok.

 

* * *

 

 

It's a few days later when he finally lets himself break properly. It's a few days later when Namjoon realizes that in less than twelve hours, it'll have been a year since the fire. It'll have been a year since he lost everything. The house, all the family photos, the furniture.

And the love of his life. 

 

Namjoon doesn't realize he'd been crying to the sky again, doesn't realize the neighbors are watching silently from the windows of their homes, worried for his sake. He doesn't realize he's trying to bargain with the stars for another day, screaming to the sky all the pain he's kept hidden for so long. Just one more day, that's all he asked. Why! Why did you take _him?!_ Why him?! Why didn't you take _me?!_ He was so happy, so bright! He had dreams to do music, to dance! He had a dog, and a sister, and a family that loved him _so so_ much.  _I_ loved him so much. _I love him._  Please! Just.. Just give me one more day to say goodbye.. 

 

When Namjoon wakes in the morning, his head is pounding. He's still outside, it seems, but he's apparently awoken before the sun because dawn is just now approaching, the burnt orange hue lazily climbing over the horizon. It's as he lays in the unkempt grass, body numb, when he hears it.

A small, choked laugh riddled with..

Disbelief?

 

Turns out the sun had risen before him, after all. A man stood about a foot or so away, tears streaming down his face relentlessly, but Namjoon didn't care, couldn't care because.. How? The stars, the sky.. They- Did they..?

 

"H-Hoseok?"

 

Another choked laugh muddied by a loud sob, a nod. 

 

"Hey, Joonie."

 

* * *

 

The next 24 hours pass by quickly, too quickly. He wishes he could have savoured it properly, but all Namjoon remembers is bone-crushing hugs, and too many kisses to count. All of them kind of sloppy, sweet, and so sad. He planted so many kisses to Hoseok's face, to his hands, to the top of his head. Kissed him on every freckle, and mole, and scar he had ever accumulated in life. Kissed him like maybe his life depended on it  ~~and maybe it did.~~

 

Namjoon remembers so much crying, remembers apologizing too much and he remembers the heartbreaking confession he told Hoseok about that dreaded day. Remembers  _finally_ telling someone about the guilt he had been plagued to carry for a year. Although speaking it out loud did little to help ease the suffocating grip in his lungs.

 

"Oh, Hobi. You have no idea how much I've missed you. That day.. God. When I heard about it, I ran. I ran as fast as I could but.. But I wasn't fast _enough_. They said the house was on fire and that they _couldn't find you_ and so I-" Namjoon threaded his fingers through Hoseok's hair, his other hand on the boy's cheek. He stared at him for a few minutes, taking him in, taking a moment before his voice cracked and his heart shattered all over again. A tear rolled down Namjoon at the thought.

**_He looks just as beautiful as the day I lost him._ **

 

"Hoseok, I-I dug until my fingers bled. All I could find was charred bone and ash. I ran in and I.. I almost _died_ looking for you. Every day, I think about.. About if I had been just _a little bit quicker_ , about-"

 

"Joon."

 

"-dying. About being with you. I should have been with you that day. It should have been _me_ , Hobi. Why wasn't it _me?_!" Namjoon trailed off, voice cracking, but he threw a steady hand to his throat, as if gripping tightly enough could stop the strain in his muscles. As if it could stop all of his pain.

 

"Namjoon. No. Listen to me. You deserve to live like I didn't deserve to-" Hoseok stops, looks up at Namjoon with pity. Notices the worry and sorrow swimming in the younger boy's eyes as Hoseok's skin is growing more translucent by the second. A peer out the window. The sun is beginning to dip behind the horizon. Sunset. 

 

That means they are almost out of time. 

 

Namjoon seems to register this, too, because he panics. The fear of losing Hoseok  _again_ rolling off him in thick waves, but they don't have time to calm down, so Hoseok says everything that comes to mind as quickly as he can before he fades away,  ~~forever this time.~~

 

"Namjoon. Joonie, hey, listen to me." Hoseok grabs Namjoon's face with both his hands, wipes the tears out of his eyes as he tries to speak with a strong, unwavering voice but fails. Namjoon reaches up and holds tightly to Hoseok's wrists as he speaks. "Remember to eat. Okay? Call my mom, she'll be lonely and.. She really misses you. And-and.. Visit me once in a while, yeah?" 

 

Namjoon nods violently, hot tears splattering against his shirt and Hoseok's hands. "Every day. I promise." 

 

He's shaking, or maybe Hoseok's shaking, or maybe they both are. He doesn't know, doesn't care. As long as he doesn't let go of him, he can't lose Hoseok again, right? 

 

 _..right?_ ****

 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Goodbye, Joon. I love you."

 

"Hoseok, no. Wait. You can't. Without you, I can't! Please!"

 

A longing kiss placed delicately on his lips, followed by another gentler one on his cheek. A weak smile and a nod was all Namjoon was given as he watched Hoseok's body dissipate into the clouds in seconds before his eyes.

 

Namjoon watched as the wind above shone no mercy to blowing the small wisp of cloud away in an instant. Gone, like it had never even been there in the first place. Falling to him knees, curling around himself, Namjoon lets himself cry. " _I'm so sorry, Hobi._ I love you. I love you so much." 

 

* * *

 

It's when, a few months later on a particularly gloomy day, Namjoon shows up to Hoseok's grave, like he had done every single day without fail, that he felt it. Unmistakably so.

 

He came bearing Hoseok's favourite flowers, had placed the colourful collection down next to a picture of the younger boy', his bright sunshine smile accompanied by his arms being slung over Namjoon's shoulders at a New Year's Eve party from three years back, and sat cross-legged in front of the stone carved with his name, telling him all about work that day, and about how Yoongi hyung had dedicated one of his songs to him. Told him about how much of a brat Jeongguk was becoming, ( _'you should see this kid, hyung!') I_ t was when he let out a sad sigh and a 'I miss you so much, Hobi' that he felt the sun come out, if just for a moment to shine a little brighter, a little warmer onto his back. Felt the wind wrap around him like a hug, and for just a moment, he could breathe again. 

 

Letting his eyes scan over the worn-away slab of rock, he read the message again. As if he didn't already have it memorized like the back of his hand. 

 

"Jung Hoseok. Brother, son, best friend. It's never 'goodbye', it's 'see you later."

 

Wiping his face with the back of his hand, Namjoon cleared his throat and stood up, dusting himself off. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small emerald box. ( _Excuse me, s_ _ir? Do you happen to have it in green? That.. That was his favourite colour.)_  Tossing it between his hands for a moment before opening it, Namjoon bent down and placed it on the ground, hidden behind the bouquet of flowers. 

 

"Happy birthday, hyung. I hope you like it." Turning on his heels, Namjoon began to walk back to his car, calling over his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you." 

 

Driving away, Namjoon missed the way the clouds parted, letting only a single sun ray beam down on the box, causing the ring to twinkle like a star in the night sky. 

Missed the way a man's silhouette, no taller than himself, glistened and glimmered in the golden light as he watched Namjoon turn the corner. 

Missed the way he bent down and smiled.   


  


"Thanks, Joonie."

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I'm not really fond of the ending? So I might come back and rewrite it in a couple days. I don't know. It just doesn't sit well with me. 
> 
> I would really appreciate your guys opinions on the ending (and the whole story!) in the comments. I just want to see if it sounds as dumb as it does in my head. It seema rushed? Not finished?? Idk. 
> 
> Anyways. THANK YOU SO MUCH for you read it all the way through and have made it this far! I am so grateful. <3


End file.
